Have just been looking on a real estate agency website curious as to what kind of houses are currently available on the market. This is the first sentence from a house description
From the moment you step foot into this charming double storey Victorian terrace your invigorated with a feeling of tranquility.
Is there something wrong with me if that kind of commentary just totally pisses me off and would completely put me off using these agents because of it? I would consider the term 'invigorated with tranquility' as being a complete oxymoron, the experience of being invigorated does not leave one feeling tranquil! Apart from that though, it should obviously say you're invigorated, not your.
It goes on to make further appalling errors in spelling and syntax. Apparently the place has a stainless steal kitchen and each bedroom has there own built in robes. Due to the fact that the author has obviously never seen a comma before, apparently the balcony has a full bathroom.
It's just sloppy and it says to me that the author is an idiot, professional commentaries like this, especially ones that are trying to encourage people to spend one million dollars, should not look like they have been written by a Mongolian nomad child with learning difficulties.
If I was the vendor I would take my business elsewhere.
Have no doubt this is not an isolated case.
Wednesday, September 28, 2005
Saturday, September 17, 2005
Claudia stood me up
I'm heart broken
It should at least be pointed out that it is an obvious credit to the Australian cricket team that England have cherished their victory over them so much. No other series win by England in recent years has caused such elation. So the very least the Australian team can take with them is that they are highly regarded by their oponents. In sport this is indeed a mantle that is earned.
It should at least be pointed out that it is an obvious credit to the Australian cricket team that England have cherished their victory over them so much. No other series win by England in recent years has caused such elation. So the very least the Australian team can take with them is that they are highly regarded by their oponents. In sport this is indeed a mantle that is earned.
Tuesday, September 13, 2005
My date with Claudia
At the risk of sounding bitter, which I am in no ways: the over-reaction to England's victory in the Ashes series has been excessive yet entirely predictable. England is a fickle nation in sport, although I would suggest no more so than Australia. There has only been interest in cricket this summer because England have been winning, congratulations to them, as they were certainly the better side throughout the series. However many rugby fans in this country well give testimony that this interest will wane. Those responsible for cricket in England must capture this patriotism and ensure that the country will continue to hold an interest in the game, otherwise these achievements and celebrations will be largely recrementitious.
The reason of course for celebration; is that England have triumphed over the team that has consistently the best in the world for the past decade. This calls for celebrations. But they have triumphed only once and by a considerably small margin. So these celebrations must be tempered. Yet the celebrations will be large because England have achieved something they have been trying to achieve for 16 years, and every time one fails to achieve something, it adds to the feeling of success when one finally does. It’s a little like a retarded school child finally passing his exams after being held back in class for 4 years, the celebrations will be great for him and he will feel extra special.
So well done England you have deserved your victory, surely though it will be an even greater achievement to retain them on Australian soil in 18 months time. Oh and for fuck’s sake stop singing Jerusalem!
By the way; my date with Claudia Schiffer is this Friday night.
The reason of course for celebration; is that England have triumphed over the team that has consistently the best in the world for the past decade. This calls for celebrations. But they have triumphed only once and by a considerably small margin. So these celebrations must be tempered. Yet the celebrations will be large because England have achieved something they have been trying to achieve for 16 years, and every time one fails to achieve something, it adds to the feeling of success when one finally does. It’s a little like a retarded school child finally passing his exams after being held back in class for 4 years, the celebrations will be great for him and he will feel extra special.
So well done England you have deserved your victory, surely though it will be an even greater achievement to retain them on Australian soil in 18 months time. Oh and for fuck’s sake stop singing Jerusalem!
By the way; my date with Claudia Schiffer is this Friday night.
Friday, September 02, 2005
South Africa
Recently I went on a trip to South Africa with a group of my friends. It was without a doubt the best trip I have ever been on. My mate Rob wrote a superb group email to all his friends describing our adventures. I couldn't imagine writing a better account than he has done so I will post his here instead (and quite frankly it saves me from having to write one out aswell.)
On a personal note, the red meat in South Africa is the most exquisite meat I have ever eaten. We had a great variety of succulent game meats, it was great to go out and see the animals during the day and then eat them at night. The steak that was available to us in Johannesburg however was second to none. We ate at some lovely restaurants that served the leanest, juiciest, tenderest most delicious steaks I have ever ever eaten. It is not hard to see how South Africa can make such big rugby players with meat like that around. I have found it very difficult to eat steak back here in London again after having tasted such perfection.
So here's what Rob had to say......
Well, if you haven't been jealous of my travels thus far you should definitely keep reading...............
As you know my latest safari was, well, a safari. Leaving London on Friday night with my good buddies JC, Rolly and Mike we flew south via Zurich, arriving in South Africa on Saturday morning. We were greeted at Johannesburg airport by our Sydney-based counterparts Chris, Brett, Graham and Duncan where we collected our 8-seater VW combi van and set off for the drive to Kruger National Park.
It was wonderful to see the guys again and we had a good opportunity to catch up at our overnight stop just a few hours from the park. On Sunday morning we were initiated with the "Kruger wake up" which saw us getting up and on the road before sun rise 6 days in a row! After crossing the bridge over a crocodile infested river we entered the national park and were immediately greeted by the sight of giraffes and elephants by the side of the road. Within half an hour of arriving in the park we had been treated to the sight of a huge bull elephant lumbering up to the side of the van and proceeding to walk down the road directly in front of us. This encounter was to set the tone for our week - we quickly dubbed ourselves the "Arsey Aussies".
Within the first day we had seen more rhinoceros than I knew were actually still alive, a stand off between a rhino and an elephant, and the amazing sight of a lioness drinking from a waterhole and then proceeding to walk directly across our path and off into the scrub where the circling vultures signified only one thing - a recent kill. On our second day we managed to see the "The Big 5" [elephant, rhinoceros, buffalo, lion and leopard] within the space of 10 hours!.......
Driving around the park at your own pace is a wonderful way to view the wildlife and our marathon efforts were well rewarded. The highlights were far too numerous to list, but some standouts included:-
seeing a pride of lionesses (5) laying in a dry river bed enjoying the afternoon sun whilst their cubs (12) played in the sand like big yellow kittens;
watching a hyena stalk a juvenile leopard only to be chased away by the leopard's mother;
seeing a pack of African Wild Dogs (the rarest predators in Africa) laying by the side of the road;
going for an evening walk along the fence of our camp only to discover a rhinoceros grazing just 10m away from us with nothing but a wire mesh fence between us and this spectacular specimen;
on a guided night drive, spotting a young hyena pup playing with its older sibling in a culvert by the side of the road; and
seeing a giraffe drink from a waterhole [anyone who has seen such a sight will know that it is a completely absurd spectacle].
Thanks to some brilliant organisation from Chris we also managed to spend 3 nights in our own private camp. At least 20km from the next closest camp, we were able to see things in the early morning and late evening that no other park visitors could possibly have seen given the curfew restrictions at each camp. We enjoyed total serenity in our camp and, even entertained some visitors - some Vervet monkeys who took it upon themselves to go through the rubbish in our van and an early-morning visit from an elephant who, after breaking open the gate to our camp, helped himself to a drink by snapping the metal pipe of a water tap.
Luck was not the only factor in our many and varied animal sightings - we put in the hard yards, early mornings and stints of up to 8 hours in the van - but our good fortunes really shone through on our last morning. With only a 40km drive to the gates to leave the park we commented that [despite spending the entire previous day looking for one] we had not seen a cheetah and [despite seeing more than 30 females and cubs] we had not seen a male lion. Well, no doubt you can guess what happened, but you could not have scripted how amazingly it came about. After an unscheduled and almost avoided toilet stop, a cheetah [the rarest of the big cats] simply strode across the road not 100m in front of our van and walked off into the distance. Then, merely half a kilometre down the road, some people in a car flagged us down and told us to take the next right turn and - you guessed it - 5km down the road, sitting by a waterhole were 3 juvenile male lions.
Our safari was complete and as we drove slowly out the gates of Kruger we all paused in quiet reflection, admiring the wonders we had experienced being able to see so many wild animals in their natural environment, and then someone let out a ripper..............
The bad smells emanating from a van full of 8 lads chock full on a diet of beer and red meat set the tone nicely for our last few days in South Africa spent in Johannesburg - for, so far in all my worldly travels, I have not experienced a city with a worse character than Johannesburg. It was dirty and dusty, sparse and concreted, and the poverty and plight of the black population was clearly evident and further exasperated by the incivility of the white population. I really did struggle to find a redeeming feature of this characterless metropolis. However this did not detract from our breathtaking experiences in Kruger as we were in Johannesburg for a reason - to support the Wallabies.
After decking ourselves out in full Wallaby gold we went across the road from our hotel to cheer the players onto the team bus. My concerns were somewhat heightened when Jeremy Paul the Wallaby No. 2 descended the hotel escalator and looked up, surprised at our presence, he wished us "good luck today, fellas". We begun the dangerous journey through downtown Johannesburg into the battle zone known as Ellis Park. As one of a very small handful of Wallaby fans I can honestly say that I have never felt so intimidated in my life. The Bokka fans are aggressive and boisterous and seem to take delight in taunting opposition fans, but when you are outnumbered by about 65,000 to 100 the incentives to keep your mouth shut are as large as the sea of green jerseys all around you.
Unfortunately the team played poorly and were beaten comprehensively, but that is probably a good thing because if they had have won we probably would have been beaten comprehensively......... But at least we got our mugs on television - standing proudly and belting out Advance Australia Fair - surrounded by wildlife that would have fitted in quite nicely roaming the scrub of Kruger National Park. Surely we 8 can now say that we are TRUE Wallaby fans!........
Overall it was an amazing adventure and an experience that I am so fortunate to have been able to share with 7 of my closest mates. I look forward to showing you all my hundreds of photos and regaling you with many more stories and highlights.
On a personal note, the red meat in South Africa is the most exquisite meat I have ever eaten. We had a great variety of succulent game meats, it was great to go out and see the animals during the day and then eat them at night. The steak that was available to us in Johannesburg however was second to none. We ate at some lovely restaurants that served the leanest, juiciest, tenderest most delicious steaks I have ever ever eaten. It is not hard to see how South Africa can make such big rugby players with meat like that around. I have found it very difficult to eat steak back here in London again after having tasted such perfection.
So here's what Rob had to say......
Well, if you haven't been jealous of my travels thus far you should definitely keep reading...............
As you know my latest safari was, well, a safari. Leaving London on Friday night with my good buddies JC, Rolly and Mike we flew south via Zurich, arriving in South Africa on Saturday morning. We were greeted at Johannesburg airport by our Sydney-based counterparts Chris, Brett, Graham and Duncan where we collected our 8-seater VW combi van and set off for the drive to Kruger National Park.
It was wonderful to see the guys again and we had a good opportunity to catch up at our overnight stop just a few hours from the park. On Sunday morning we were initiated with the "Kruger wake up" which saw us getting up and on the road before sun rise 6 days in a row! After crossing the bridge over a crocodile infested river we entered the national park and were immediately greeted by the sight of giraffes and elephants by the side of the road. Within half an hour of arriving in the park we had been treated to the sight of a huge bull elephant lumbering up to the side of the van and proceeding to walk down the road directly in front of us. This encounter was to set the tone for our week - we quickly dubbed ourselves the "Arsey Aussies".
Within the first day we had seen more rhinoceros than I knew were actually still alive, a stand off between a rhino and an elephant, and the amazing sight of a lioness drinking from a waterhole and then proceeding to walk directly across our path and off into the scrub where the circling vultures signified only one thing - a recent kill. On our second day we managed to see the "The Big 5" [elephant, rhinoceros, buffalo, lion and leopard] within the space of 10 hours!.......
Driving around the park at your own pace is a wonderful way to view the wildlife and our marathon efforts were well rewarded. The highlights were far too numerous to list, but some standouts included:-
seeing a pride of lionesses (5) laying in a dry river bed enjoying the afternoon sun whilst their cubs (12) played in the sand like big yellow kittens;
watching a hyena stalk a juvenile leopard only to be chased away by the leopard's mother;
seeing a pack of African Wild Dogs (the rarest predators in Africa) laying by the side of the road;
going for an evening walk along the fence of our camp only to discover a rhinoceros grazing just 10m away from us with nothing but a wire mesh fence between us and this spectacular specimen;
on a guided night drive, spotting a young hyena pup playing with its older sibling in a culvert by the side of the road; and
seeing a giraffe drink from a waterhole [anyone who has seen such a sight will know that it is a completely absurd spectacle].
Thanks to some brilliant organisation from Chris we also managed to spend 3 nights in our own private camp. At least 20km from the next closest camp, we were able to see things in the early morning and late evening that no other park visitors could possibly have seen given the curfew restrictions at each camp. We enjoyed total serenity in our camp and, even entertained some visitors - some Vervet monkeys who took it upon themselves to go through the rubbish in our van and an early-morning visit from an elephant who, after breaking open the gate to our camp, helped himself to a drink by snapping the metal pipe of a water tap.
Luck was not the only factor in our many and varied animal sightings - we put in the hard yards, early mornings and stints of up to 8 hours in the van - but our good fortunes really shone through on our last morning. With only a 40km drive to the gates to leave the park we commented that [despite spending the entire previous day looking for one] we had not seen a cheetah and [despite seeing more than 30 females and cubs] we had not seen a male lion. Well, no doubt you can guess what happened, but you could not have scripted how amazingly it came about. After an unscheduled and almost avoided toilet stop, a cheetah [the rarest of the big cats] simply strode across the road not 100m in front of our van and walked off into the distance. Then, merely half a kilometre down the road, some people in a car flagged us down and told us to take the next right turn and - you guessed it - 5km down the road, sitting by a waterhole were 3 juvenile male lions.
Our safari was complete and as we drove slowly out the gates of Kruger we all paused in quiet reflection, admiring the wonders we had experienced being able to see so many wild animals in their natural environment, and then someone let out a ripper..............
The bad smells emanating from a van full of 8 lads chock full on a diet of beer and red meat set the tone nicely for our last few days in South Africa spent in Johannesburg - for, so far in all my worldly travels, I have not experienced a city with a worse character than Johannesburg. It was dirty and dusty, sparse and concreted, and the poverty and plight of the black population was clearly evident and further exasperated by the incivility of the white population. I really did struggle to find a redeeming feature of this characterless metropolis. However this did not detract from our breathtaking experiences in Kruger as we were in Johannesburg for a reason - to support the Wallabies.
After decking ourselves out in full Wallaby gold we went across the road from our hotel to cheer the players onto the team bus. My concerns were somewhat heightened when Jeremy Paul the Wallaby No. 2 descended the hotel escalator and looked up, surprised at our presence, he wished us "good luck today, fellas". We begun the dangerous journey through downtown Johannesburg into the battle zone known as Ellis Park. As one of a very small handful of Wallaby fans I can honestly say that I have never felt so intimidated in my life. The Bokka fans are aggressive and boisterous and seem to take delight in taunting opposition fans, but when you are outnumbered by about 65,000 to 100 the incentives to keep your mouth shut are as large as the sea of green jerseys all around you.
Unfortunately the team played poorly and were beaten comprehensively, but that is probably a good thing because if they had have won we probably would have been beaten comprehensively......... But at least we got our mugs on television - standing proudly and belting out Advance Australia Fair - surrounded by wildlife that would have fitted in quite nicely roaming the scrub of Kruger National Park. Surely we 8 can now say that we are TRUE Wallaby fans!........
Overall it was an amazing adventure and an experience that I am so fortunate to have been able to share with 7 of my closest mates. I look forward to showing you all my hundreds of photos and regaling you with many more stories and highlights.
Thursday, September 01, 2005
Oysters
I have finally been forced to succumb to what I had been refusing to accept as a matter of principle. The shellfish that has been forced at us for some time now. Gradually they have been removing the means to survive without one. They make it all sound like such a good idea, save time, save money, save a soul etc etc. They have now removed all means for me to live in this city without that damn little shellfish.
It is now no longer possible to buy weekly tube travel cards. The only way one can buy a weekly travel card is if they have an oyster card!
Oyster is the smarter, faster, easier way to travel round London. Oyster is designed to make your life easier, blah blah blah.......
Basically the London Underground are trying to cut down on the number of paper tickets used. Oyster is an electronic swipe card that carries your ticket information. You can top it up online, or at auto machines at the station. You can use pre-pay that will just subtract the amount of your journey from your balance, or you can buy weekly, monthly or annual travel cards on it. You just swipe your card on the way in and out of the tube station. It sounds like a great idea, saves time by allowing you to not have to queue up for tickets in the morning etc etc etc.
I have never bothered with one of these and have stuck to using paper weekly tickets. Gradually though they made it harder for you to do this; by not making paper weekly tickets available from the auto machine etc. As of the 25th of September, you will now no longer be able to buy paper weekly, monthly or yearly travel cards, they will only be available to Oyster card holders. So now I have an Oyster card and will be able to enjoy all the benefits associated.
Transport for London and anyone whom they may care to share the information with, will now have a record of every single public transport journey that I make. If ever the time should come when I need to claim I was in a place that I was not, there will be evidence to prove I am lying. Now, I am not ever likely to claim I was somewhere I was not, but is that really the point?
The Oyster card is indeed a convenient way of ticketing, yet in our age of ever increasing dependence on technologies, each new convenience is also as system of monitoring and control. We might be 20 years after George Orwell first predicted; but the Big Brother state is looming.
Conservatives will suggest that if one is not doing anything wrong, then one has nothing to worry about, and what does it matter if there is a record of one's whereabouts. Those who are doing wrong will be caught quicker and the precious lives of the law abiding citizens of the free world will be saved. That may be the case but where to we go from here?
Once something is routine in our lives it is easy to consciously forget about it. We are becoming nearer to a cashless society; we use our debit and credit cards with increasing frequency. Each time we make a transaction there is a record of what we bought, where, when and how much. At this stage the bank only has these records, but how long before it is decided it is acceptable for other institutions to gain access to these. Already, companies use store cards to create a psychological profile of you based on the groceries you buy, with this information they will directly market products to you that they think you will be interested in buying.
The more technology eases our lives, the more our lives are recorded. This information is not readily available to anyone at the moment, soon it could be. Knowledge is power.
It's not such a bad thing though, with advancements in cloning technology, I could create an exact DNA replica of myself, then with all the information about my life, purchases, movements and behaviours recorded, I could program this clone to behave just like me. I could then send it out to work while I lie on a beach in Thailand.
Although, with a sample of my DNA, anyone could do this! They could kill me and replace me with my replica! Maybe they already have!
The possibilities are endless.
It is now no longer possible to buy weekly tube travel cards. The only way one can buy a weekly travel card is if they have an oyster card!
Oyster is the smarter, faster, easier way to travel round London. Oyster is designed to make your life easier, blah blah blah.......
Basically the London Underground are trying to cut down on the number of paper tickets used. Oyster is an electronic swipe card that carries your ticket information. You can top it up online, or at auto machines at the station. You can use pre-pay that will just subtract the amount of your journey from your balance, or you can buy weekly, monthly or annual travel cards on it. You just swipe your card on the way in and out of the tube station. It sounds like a great idea, saves time by allowing you to not have to queue up for tickets in the morning etc etc etc.
I have never bothered with one of these and have stuck to using paper weekly tickets. Gradually though they made it harder for you to do this; by not making paper weekly tickets available from the auto machine etc. As of the 25th of September, you will now no longer be able to buy paper weekly, monthly or yearly travel cards, they will only be available to Oyster card holders. So now I have an Oyster card and will be able to enjoy all the benefits associated.
Transport for London and anyone whom they may care to share the information with, will now have a record of every single public transport journey that I make. If ever the time should come when I need to claim I was in a place that I was not, there will be evidence to prove I am lying. Now, I am not ever likely to claim I was somewhere I was not, but is that really the point?
The Oyster card is indeed a convenient way of ticketing, yet in our age of ever increasing dependence on technologies, each new convenience is also as system of monitoring and control. We might be 20 years after George Orwell first predicted; but the Big Brother state is looming.
Conservatives will suggest that if one is not doing anything wrong, then one has nothing to worry about, and what does it matter if there is a record of one's whereabouts. Those who are doing wrong will be caught quicker and the precious lives of the law abiding citizens of the free world will be saved. That may be the case but where to we go from here?
Once something is routine in our lives it is easy to consciously forget about it. We are becoming nearer to a cashless society; we use our debit and credit cards with increasing frequency. Each time we make a transaction there is a record of what we bought, where, when and how much. At this stage the bank only has these records, but how long before it is decided it is acceptable for other institutions to gain access to these. Already, companies use store cards to create a psychological profile of you based on the groceries you buy, with this information they will directly market products to you that they think you will be interested in buying.
The more technology eases our lives, the more our lives are recorded. This information is not readily available to anyone at the moment, soon it could be. Knowledge is power.
It's not such a bad thing though, with advancements in cloning technology, I could create an exact DNA replica of myself, then with all the information about my life, purchases, movements and behaviours recorded, I could program this clone to behave just like me. I could then send it out to work while I lie on a beach in Thailand.
Although, with a sample of my DNA, anyone could do this! They could kill me and replace me with my replica! Maybe they already have!
The possibilities are endless.
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