It's just not cricket

It’s funny how some things seem to come at once. After having booked our flights to Yappieville on Wednesday, I returned home to find an unexpected letter waiting for me. (I get so little mail I usually know what it is before opening it.) So anyway, I waited a few minutes to increase the anticipation – such is the thrilling existence of my life.
The opening of the letter was met with a somewhat maniacal laughter from me (I should be a mad scientist) when I found what was inside: 2 tickets to day 3 of the first Ashes test at Lords!
Lords don’t do their ticketing on a first come first served basis, they operate a ballot system just like in the Olympics or World Cups. I had entered the ballot back in November, but they only let you apply for a maximum of 2 tickets per person. Typical bloody Lords, how is one supposed to attend a cricket game accompanied by only one other person? It’s just not cricket! Spectating at a cricket game requires at least half a dozen boozed up blokes and no shirts. What are we supposed to do with just one mate along, watch the game?

Now as it turns out, when we were planning the trip to South Africa, we realised that it clashed with the first test. We hadn’t had our tickets allocated yet and it didn’t really require much thought to decide the trip was worth missing out on the cricket. I’ve been to an Ashes test at Lords in 2001, and the fifth test is on at The Oval so there’ll be plenty of chances to see the cricket.

It’s funny that these tickets should turn up on the same day we confirmed we wouldn’t be able to go. So I guess I’m stuck with two tickets to the first Saturday of the Ashes series, does anyone want them?
Well of course someone does. This year England have probably they best chance of beating the Aussies than they have had in the past 15 years. Although I probably have a better chance of dating Claudia Schiffer this year than I have had in the past 15, but that doesn’t mean it will actually happen. But blind faith pushes up ticket prices.
I think it is highly likely I will be able to sell the tickets for at least a 500% mark-up. That should almost cover the cost of my flights! I'd better work on my cockney accent first; 'anyone need ticke's? buy or sell ticke's, anyone need ticke's?'

Oh did I say sell the tickets? I meant I would give them to someone and then charge a few quid transportation costs!