Ok so I admit that this is what I look like most mornings, but Monday mornings in particular, and this Monday morning more so.
My first task this morning was to take my ties to the dry cleaners. Yesterday the various laws of thermo-dynamics, gravity and stupidity conspired against me, all in the form of a full Grande cup of Americano coffee. The aforementioned item had just been re-heated in the microwave, thus weakening the stability of the paper cup. My grip on the cup, which would have otherwise been sufficient to safely transport the vessel, turned out to be inadequate. The culmination then of various laws of physics as well as our old friend Sod’s law, caused the cup to slip, my fingers to burn, and the entire contents to spill into the top drawer of my bedside dresser, which had been opened, but not closed, only a few minutes previously.
Shit… no wait… Fuck!
So anyway, this particular draw contains mostly important things: Passports, Birth and Citizenship certificates, letters, work, etc. Fortunately for these documents, the majority of the liquid was soaked up by the collection of rather expensive ties that I own, and wear to work on a daily basis. Some cleanup of my paper work was required, and it reminded me of those school history projects we once had to do, when we spilled coffee over the papers to make it look like it was an old manuscript (that had been found in the basement of a Starbucks.)
So to the dry cleaners this morning I went. The guy near my local tube station wanted to charge me £3.50 per tie, which I consider nothing less that extortion. Fortunately, the place near my office charges a slightly more reasonable £2.49. Makes me think though about the rules of bargaining, when you start off with a completely ridiculous offer, and then put forward the one you actually want as a ‘compromise.’
So watch this space, I have resigned to the fact that half of them will probably be ruined, and a trip to TM Lewin may be required in the next few days, and knowing me I will probably end up buying some more shirts while I’m there.
If this all happened in America, I’m pretty confident I could sue Starbucks for failing to put a warning on their cups; stating that their structural integrity could be adversely affected, if warmed in the microwave.
£1.70 for another cup of coffee
£19.92 dry cleaning costs
£200 replacement ties
Legal costs
£1,500,000 for emotional distress and punitive damages.
I was going to write about what else makes a Monday morning even more unbearable, ie; having to commute to work on the London Underground. I really do find this a distressing experience at times. I have however said to myself I will try and hold off for as long as possible before launching into a tirade of vitriol on the subject. I have recovered from this morning’s journey and so I feel I can wait a little longer. Again though, watch this space.
