Soap Opera

For English teams, last night’s Champions League matches were characterised by two common events, a Roy Carroll howler, and Anders Frisk playing for the television cameras.

A side that is trying to win the European Cup, cannot afford to have a goalkeeper prone to such errors. The defence must take some of the blame, Seedorf should not have been allowed to shoot, but it is a shot that should have been saved, and not fumbled into the path of Crespo. Again, the defence should have reacted quicker to clear the ball, but the shot was hit straight at Carroll and he should have caught it. Petr Cech would have caught it, Iker Casillas would have…… Peter Schmeichel would have.

Manchester United were knocked out of the competition last year by eventual winners Porto, when, in the last few minutes of the game, Tim Howard parried a relatively simple shot into the path of Francisco Costinha, who gave them the goal they needed to advance. Man U are by no means out of it, it is not often that a team goes to the San Siro and gets against such miserly defence, but if any team can then it’s Man U.

Perhaps it is unfair to heap so much blame on goalkeepers. Perhaps we should blame the strikers for not converting their chances, it’s not entirely fair; a mistake by a striker doesn’t generally appear on the score sheet, whereas a goalkeeper’s mistake does. However, all great teams are built on a strong presence in goal.
I do not think that the current Man U team is inferior in quality to the side that won the treble in 1999, and dominated the premiership in the 90s. The big difference however, is in goal. Man U would never have been so successful in the past if Roy Carroll was minding the nets instead of Peter Schmeichel; and they would be a far more successful side currently, with a goalkeeper of Schmeichel’s quality. It is as simple as that! There are quality goalkeepers out there, and Manchester United are not a poor club!

Roy Carroll has twice refused a renewal of his contract at Old Trafford now, I wonder which clubs will want to sign him instead. Perhaps he should consider not wearing the number 13 on his back!



Chelsea were unlucky to have had Didier Drogba sent off last night. Both challenges that brought him yellow cards were rather innocuous, and both may not have brought cautions from a different referee. For the second caution, Drogba instinctively went for a 50-50 ball with the goalkeeper, he made contact with the ball only and, if anything, Valdez clattered into Drogba when he realised he didn’t have the ball. Anders Frisk produced a yellow card, which then became red. Goalkeepers are a protected species.
Most will say that Drogba was unfairly punished, and I agree, especially since that diving little shit Deco wasn’t booked in the first half for one of the most blatant acts of simulation you’ll ever see. But after picking up his first caution after 15 minutes, he always looked like picking up another one, especially with Anders Frisk blowing the whistle.

For a long time I have always had a great deal of sympathy for referees; I was a referee myself once upon a time. It is a thankless task, nobody is ever happy with a referee’s performance. At all levels, referees give up their Saturday afternoons so we can play, only to be abused by players, parents, and fans alike. We must always remember that without referees, there would be no football. There are many credible refs who love the game and want to put in as much as they have gotten out of it.
There are also many referees who are complete arseholes. These are the men who seem to end up officiating at the top level.

It takes a particular type of person to become a referee at the top level. Are these the type of people that we want refereeing the games that mean so much to so many people? It is similar to government; it takes a certain type of person to become a politician, however, these are not necessarily the type of people we want running the country.

Most referees are failed footballers. If they were any good at football, they would be playing the game instead of officiating it. Most referees are also short, ugly, and bald. When you consider how much money, how much passion, and how much emotion is vested in football matches, it is frightening to think how much power these short, ugly, bald, failures actually have.

The best referees are the ones that nobody ever talks about, the exception perhaps being Pierluigi Collina. The fans are there to watch the players, not the ref, but the refs just cant handle that; they grew up dreaming of playing in front of thousands of cheering fans, and they want some of the spotlight too!
They revel in the power they have to change the course of a match, the power they have over millions of dollars worth of talent; they envy that talent and all that it brings. The players earn more in a week than these refs do in a year, the players are idolised and championed, the players have little respect for the referee. The referee wishes he was a player, but he feels he has the next best thing, power over them. They are out there in front of thousands of cheering fans, just like they dreamed of, and they want to be on television too.
I’m sure the referees are not consciously thinking these kind of things when they brand a controversial red card, or rule out a goal that should have stood. All these emotions are exist in the subconscious, are a part of the referee’s personality, and are what shapes his decisions on the field.

Anders Frisk is one of these refs; he blows his whistle too loud, is far too flamboyant, and pulls his shorts too far up his arse. I think he wears his shorts this way in order to cause enough pain to his rectum, so as to put him in the right mood to officiate the way he does.
In the earlier stages of the Champions League, at half time in a match at Roma, a spectator threw a coin from the stands, which hit Frisk right between the eyes, and gave him a decent cut. Nobody should condone this kind of behaviour from fans (he was caught and has now been signed by the England cricket team) but when referees like Frisk are concerned, we can sometimes empathise.

Who wants a job where they are constantly subject to constant abuse, harassment and death threats? These people do, they are small in number, but play a huge part in making football the soap opera it is. Forget about Eastenders, this is one soap opera that just keeps people coming back for more.