Another letter to the TNT

Schapelle Corby's trial in Bali has just finished and there should be a verdict in a couple of weeks. I've been following the case in the papers for a while, and despite the fact that I am the least sympathetic person I know, I actually feel sorry for her. Some of it born out of irritation for the Indonesians as I know they're not too fond of Aussies, and the last pictures I saw of a Denpasar court were during the trial of the defiant Bali Bombers. Some Indonesians have a lot of resentment towards Australians and it seems to me that they just want to put her down. They have given her no opportunity to gather any evidence to prove her innocence, and standard procedures that you would have expected to be followed by sensible authorities have simply been ignored. The girl is clearly innocent, anyone can see that. The prosecution don't seem to care though, but then again, their job is to prosecute, not to care. But I am so irritated by the case they have put against her, and their blind flipancy of any evidence and common sense to the contrary.

So again, another letter from me to the TNT. I've taken a dig at the Indos, I hope it gets printed:

Schapelle Corby has made her last plea of innocence to a Denpasar court. Her whole trial has exposed the complete farce the Indonesian judicial system is. The prosecution and the authorities have ignored every scrap of evidence that may have proven Schapelle’s innocence; even refusing to have the bag of marijuana she was allegedly carrying finger-printed. Had this incident occurred in a civilised country, she would not have even stood trial. Her fate is in the hands of the three trial judges, I think most of Australia hopes they will see some sense and find her not guilty.

Victor Hugo Morales

I really haven't been in the mood for posting in the past week. Rest assured though I will pick up again shortly. In the mean time I am going to post this.

...la va a tocar para Diego, aqui la tiene Maradona, lo marcan dos, pisa la pelota Maradona, arranca por la derecha el genio del futbol mundial, y deja el tercero y va a tocar para Burruchaga... Siempre Maradona! Genio! Genio! Genio! ta-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta... y Goooooool... Gooooool...

Espectacular! Viva el fútbol! Golazo! Diego! Maradona! Estoy emocionado perdonenme ustedes... Maradona, en una corrida memorable, en la jugada de todos los tiempos... barrilete cósmico... de que planeta veniste? Para dejar el camino tan simple, para que el país con el puño apretado, gritando por Argentina.... Argentina 2 - Inglaterra 0... Diego!, Diego!, Diego Armando Maradona... Gracias Dios, por el fútbol, por Maradona, por estas lágrimas, por este Argentina 2 - Inglaterra 0...

Weekend at Bernie's II

Now that the hype surrounding the Pope’s death has died down a little, it is no longer too soon to speak ill of the dead. So before they get around to electing someone to take his place, it’s time to slag off Pope John Paul II.

Karol Jozef Wojtyla was an ultra conservative. As leader of 1.1 billion Catholics he failed utterly to move the church forward with the modern world. Instead clinging to antiquated ideas that are becoming increasingly out of place in today’s world.

Chief amongst these ideas is the issue of contraception; quite simply, it’s a no-no. What idiocy! Not only had the Pope’s church condemned the use of contraception, but actively took steps to prevent its use in third world countries. Countries where poverty is rife and is only increased as a result of more children being born. How many times have we seen aid groups advertising on television for donations, giving us a sob story about some poor guy who can’t afford to feed his 14 children? Let us also not forget how his church has condemned condom use in a world where there are 40 million people living with HIV/AIDS and a further 15 million children who have been orphaned by it. How many people has Pope John Paul II condemned to death for not allowing the use of a piece of latex? What purpose does it serve to oppose condom use anyway?

So you can’t use a condom and now you’re up the duff. According to the Pope, tough. You sure as hell aren’t going to have an abortion, that would be akin to murder, extermination, on the whole it’s pretty much full scale genocide! This time, our old friend Karol reckons it’s the same thing as the Holocaust. Although it seems to me that it’s a little easier to dispose of a few foetuses than it is 6 million fully grown human beings. Even for a pregnancy as a consequence of rape, even if it were a child whom the pregnancy would more than likely kill, no abortion under any circumstance. Why so much protection for a miniscule collection of cells?

It is possible for the church to move with the times, however slowly they may chose to. They’re not burning people at the stake any more for not believing what they say (although you can never be sure.) Galileo was right when he said the solar system was heliocentric, the Catholic Church said he was wrong and threatened to kill him if he didn’t renounce his claims. I’m pretty sure they agree with him now (although you can never be sure.) So as the world moves forward, we all realise that the things we used to be sure were right, weren’t actually at all. The Catholic Church seems less willing to do this and still insist that the meanings of a book written thousands of years ago be taken on face value.

What is probably most appalling about the moral authority with which the Pope wielded with his ideology, was his continuing failure to act against Priests around the world who have sexually abused small boys. Not only was no action taken within the church to prevent the continuance of this behaviour, but steps were taken to actively cover the whole thing up. Instead of Priests being shame and ex-communicated from the church, they were promoted to higher positions, or simply left to continue destroying the lives of children and their families with whom then were entrusted. The Pope turned a blind eye to horrific crimes against God, all the while condemning homosexuality as evil.

The most ridiculous thing about all this is the concept of Papal infallibility. Needless to say John Paul II was a staunch advocate and heavy promoter of this. Wouldn’t you too if you were the head of an organisation that insisted that whatever you said was correct and un-opposable by anyone, ever! What an utterly ridiculous and preposterous notion. Hmmm, now where else in the world would we find this kind of leadership structure, oh I know, North Korea. It sounds to me like the Vatican City is a dictatorship! Come on George W, let’s see you bring your democracy bandwagon into this town!

As I write this the conclave are in the process of electing a new Pope. The big question is whether the ultra conservatives will get their way and elect someone to keep the church in the dark ages; or will the cardinals see sense and elect a reformer to bring the church into the 21st century.

Stupido Commentatori

Football commentators piss me off. Actually nearly everything about football pisses me off, including the fact that I can't stop paying attention to it.
Anyway, when the Milan derby game was abandoned last night, the ITV commentators were really giving it some. This is how the minute by minute match reporter on Guardian Unlimited commented on it:

ITV2 commentators Peter Drury and Jim Beglin are on the verge of exploding with pompous, sanctimonious wailing and righteous indignation at the outrage that is unfolding before them: "But what about the children?"
Where's Bono when you need him?

I bloody agree, and it's not as though we haven't seen this kind of thing before, and it's not as though we haven't seen far worse from this from the English. Not that I condone what goes on, in fact I think it's rather silly, but let's have far less sanctimony from English football commentators especially.

The Guardian goes on to say:

Anyway, it's only several thousand plastic bottles and a big cloud of smoke - hardly an unprecedented event at a Milan derby. Far be it from me to condone this kind of guff, but Inter's fans do have every right to be upset, as their side has been robbed by referee Markus Merk tonight. He failed to send off Andriy Shevchenko for a blatant headbutt before the Ukrainian scored, he denied Inter a penalty and then disallowed a perfectly legitimate goal by Esteban Cambiasso. Is it any wonder they've got the hump?

Hmmm yes, well I've said my piece about referees before

If only to prevent us being subjected to more of this idiocy, let's hope there is no trouble tonight at the Stadio Delle Alpi

The Darwin Awards

Two men and their dog were found dead in a remote part of the Australian Great Sandy Desert the other day. These men had set off in a 31 year old Land Rover along a particularly unforgiving track, without enough water or petrol to even reach the next filling station. They had not told anyone where they were going or how long they would be gone. They did not take any maps, nor was their vehicle equipped with a 2 way radio. They had only a mobile phone with them and I doubt whether Telstra has service in that area.

Now, without going as far as saying these men deserved to die, the gene pool is surely better off with them removed.


Moving on to another person the gene pool could do without; Clive Woodward has announced his 44 man Lions squad for their annihilation at the hands of the All Blacks in a couple of months time. This number may increase to 45, 46, or 47 depending on whether a number of England has beens, who haven't played in ages, can prove they are fit enough to sit in the stands with a red blazer on. It is also worth noting the Woodward's entourage includes no less than 26 coaches.

The headlines yesterday were of course devoted to Jonny Wilkinson, in so much as the fact he has been left out of the squad, but has he? Well basically no. If he can prove his fitness between now and then, he will be included, the other fly halves though have been told that they will not be automatically looked over if Wilko is fit. I have written about whether it is a good idea for Jonny to play or not before and my opinion is still the same.

There has been some dissent from the other home nations that Woodward has favoured his home country. Despite the fact that England are no longer a very good rugby side, 20 of the squad are English, 11 Irish, 10 from the Grand Slam winning Welsh side, and 3 Scotsmen making up the 42nd, 43rd and 44th members of the tour. There are more players in the squad from Sale Sharks as there are from Scotland, leading some people to suggest a bias towards Zurich Premiership teams. These people did obviously not watch any of Scotland's 6 nations tests this year.

It is easy to see where Woodward is going with his selections; he is trying to get a mix of youth and flair that the Welsh have shown us this year, and combine it with the experience of his England buddies who know what it takes to win. He is going with a tried and tested formula, he thinks that experience is what he needs to win a third test decider in the biting wind and rain in Auckland.

I think though that Woodward is still clinging too much to 2003. His England team no longer exist. There are still a number of those players included in the squad, but many of them have not been playing for England, or have not been playing regularly at all. The squad may have a core of players who have experience and know what it takes to win, but at the same time, the inclusion of these players can also create a team that the All Blacks will know how to beat. With many experienced players in the side, the All Blacks could well be thinking better the devil you know than the one you don't.

I can only consider that there were not more Welsh players in the side because Graham Henry knows many of the players from his time as Welsh national coach, and would therefore know their weaknesses. All the same though, Woodward's squad does not surprise me but I honestly think he is off the mark.

Verdict: clean sweep to the All Blacks

It doesn't matter if you're black or white

A friend of mine is having a little trouble with some of the things his colleagues are saying at work. He is a white Anglo-Saxon, born and raised in Australia; both of his parents were born in Britain, where he is now living. Generally as Australians living in London, we are subjected to some anti-Australian banter here and there from the natives. Most of the time it’s pretty friendly and we give as good as we get. I get the impression though that in my friend’s case, it has risen to a level above what can be construed as friendly banter. On a number of occasions my friend has expressed his distress to me at being continually subject to snide remarks and sly comments about his nationality.
Most Australians are more than happy to make jokes about themselves and their own country; it’s one of the things that make Aussies generally laid back and friendly people. What are being said to my friend however, are not jokes and are certainly not funny. Psychologically I believe the reason for these comments, mostly from one or two individuals, as an attempt to exclude my friend as they regard him as a threat to their status and as a result of themselves harbouring feelings of inadequacy.

So far, my friend has not drawn attention to the fact that he is upset about this. He does not want to cause any trouble and it is obviously not worth his while to start putting people in the office offside. What would happen though if he did report the matter to senior management? Perhaps the parties involved would be told quietly that they should give it a rest for a while. I imagine that would be the extent of it.

Pretty much everything that has been said to him could have equally been said to someone of any nationality in the exact same context. He is being victimised purely on the basis of his nationality and it is causing him distress and discomfort in the workplace. What would happen though, if my friend were black, and he were not from Australia, but an immigrant from the Caribbean? I can tell you that the shit would hit the fan! There would be massive repercussions for the company and those involved. The offenders would be sacked in an instant; my friend could resign stating he could no longer work in an environment where he was being racially vilified. He could then take the company to court because of this and more than likely win his case and receive a large amount of compensation. The case would be reported in the press and the good name of the company would be sullied. The whole experience would cause not only financial damage, but also long term damage to the company’s good will.

So what’s the difference? There is none. The treatment that my friend is subject to is no different at all to treatment that would be labelled racist and totally unacceptable were the colour of his skin different. Racism and discrimination is such a highly sensitive issue in modern society, minor indiscretions are zealously reacted to. The treatment my friend is subjected to is totally unacceptable. Whether it is racist, culturalist, nationalist, call it what you will it is all the same thing: discrimination and vilification based on something the victim has never had any control over.

Just quickly...

With the General Election coming up in less than a month, my vote will be swayed by whichever party can promise to enter more five pound notes into circulation. It is an increasingly common occurrence to pay for something and expect a fiver change, only to be told they have no five pound notes; thus ending up with a pocket full of one pound coins. This is bloody irritating and something must be done about it. I encourage everyone to write, call, email the Bank of England to ensure they put an end to this travesty!



I have just finished reading the final book of Dave Pelzer’s autobiography. A very compelling read, the three books cover Dave’s life from when he was a small boy and brutally abused by his mother, through to his successful life as an adult. As with a lot of books, there are a couple of pages at the end of the book devoted to ‘About the Author.’ I thought this was a little strange in this case because I had just finished reading an AUTOBIOGRAPHY! Was not the entire story About the Author? Needless to say, it did not contain any information that I hadn’t already read.

Weekend at Bernie's

Ok well it had to be mentioned eventually; The Pope has died. It was in the morning on April 2 that the Vatican announced his death. For a while there I thought they were going to tell us all on April 1; then tell us all it was an April fool and in fact the Pope had died quite some time ago and, Weekend at Bernie’s style, had been puppetted about via an elaborate system of wires and pulleys.

I am told also that the Pope was catholic, in spite of this though he didn’t seem like such a bad dude. He was a voice of opposition to war and used his position of power to promote the cause of peace. He also played football, ice hockey and rugby in his native Poland, and that’s all right with me!

During his last days, one particularly poignant statement he made was “Do not weep for me,” and rightly so. The mourning thus far has been relatively sensible, the guy was clearly suffering throughout the last few years of his life, and if you believe like many people do, he has clearly gone to a better place. Needless to say though, many women in small South American villages will wail uncontrollably at the feet of Virgin Mary statues for some time to come. This leads me to suggest that in general, Christian society does not deal with death particularly well. Obviously it is painful to lose a loved one, but for so many people who say they believe in God and heaven, it really shouldn’t be that difficult. Surely if heaven really is the wonderful paradise that it’s claimed to be, then we should be happy for the dead, and our grieving is purely a selfish feeling because our friends or family aren’t around to keep us company any more.

Here in of course lies the purpose for religion. What would so many millions have to hold on to were it not for faith? The concept of an omniscient god and an afterlife, gives people a purpose for their lives when perhaps they would otherwise have none. Belief gives people comfort and gives people a reason for their existence. It is, as our old friend Karl Marx (who may or may not have also been Santa Claus) said; ‘the opium for the masses.’ Perhaps somewhat more critically he also said; ‘Religion is the impotence of the human mind to deal with occurrences it cannot understand.’

So is religion a product of evolution? As the human mind evolved over time, so did more questions arise and so were more answers required. How many billions of people could not live their life without purpose and without the comfort that they were loved unconditionally by a higher power? Is this belief required for the human species to evolve successfully? Regardless of whether a god exists or not, it is worthwhile noting that religion was not created by a god, religion was created by humans.

Normal Service Resumed

It's Monday again, normal service has been resumed. Deciding that it was merely an April fool's joke, I cancelled my trip to Sudan and got pissed instead. The problem with Sunday sessions is having to get up for work the next day. It does however give a perfectly good excuse to usher out the door the girl who slept in your bed last night; who you swear looked a lot more attractive yesterday after 8 pints of lager. This concept should no longer surprise me.
In any case, I was fine today, just not really on the ball. That was really the case with everyone else too. I was stoked on Friday night when I got home and found the Waratahs game was actually going to be shown on tele in the morning, not so stoked about the result, but not too worry there were still some positives to come out of the game. I personally blame Mat Rogers for the loss; his presence was really needed this week and he let the team down by not being fit for the match, he's soft.

There's plenty to be said about the important events over the weekend, but I'll do that tomorrow.

The End of the Line

After only a couple of months of discursive therapy, this blog is closing down. Today will be my last posting. I would like to thank the few of you who have read my ranting and raving over the past couple of months, this blog has been an enjoyment for me as well as an outlet for some of my energies.

Next week I will be flying to Sudan where I will take up a post with the Red Cross in the Darfur region of the country. Many hundreds of thousands of people have been slaughtered through government sponsored genocide. Many many more have fled the area as refugees leading to one of the worst humanitarian crises of recent times. I will be assisting to deliver food and aid packages to those refugees.
Something must be done to help these people and I can no longer stand idle while the rest of the world ignores.

I hope to blog again in the near future and hopefully recount my experiences in Sudan. Needless to say I will not have the time nor access to the resources to continue this blog in the way I have enjoyed doing so over the last couple of months.

So it is today, April 1, that I bid you all a fond farewell. I hope my writings can be a part of your readings again some time in the future.

Good luck and God bless

Praise be to Jesus

Last Thursday night (being the start of the weekend) I was out for a friend’s birthday drinks. It turned out to be a reasonably late night and so as we were in the northern end of town, I ended up crashing at my mate’s place in North London.
We had a full English the next morning (well it was lunch by then) and I then made my way to the tube station to head home. On my way I passed a large group of gospel singers, spreading the word of God, singing loudly and generally being rather annoying. Can’t they give it a rest for once and leave people alone, I thought to myself. It was not until a few hours later when I was sitting at home that I realised it was Good Friday.

So fair enough these people were out celebrating a Christian holiday and giving thanks to Jesus. We have a lot to thank Jesus for; if it weren’t for Him, we would have 4 less public holidays every year. There would be no post Christmas shopping sales either! So for dying on the cross so we could have a few more hours sleep on days we would otherwise have to be at work; thank you Jesus. On the other hand, I am a contract worker and don’t get paid if I don’t go to work, so thanks for nothing pal.


If you look in the top right hand corner of your screen you will see the button to click to read the next blog. Chosen randomly, it can make for some interesting reading. Many of the bloggers I have noticed are Christians and are using their blog to spread the word. Good for them, they can write whatever they like, however I’m going to leave the comments open on this post, in case any of them surf my way and want to give us their thoughts.

Actually most of the bloggers are Americans, and Americans always seem to incorporate God and/or Guns into whatever they’re doing. Strange mix really isn’t it?

A published writer

It was a pretty slow start this morning, after 4 days off. Didn’t do all that much over the weekend but did spend Sunday afternoon in Southend, one of the many places in Britain that can truly be called Chavsville. I hardly had any emails in my inbox this morning, I really must write to people more often.

Evening’s are getting longer now, summer time has arrived so no sunset until around 7.30, and getting later.

My letter was published in today’s TNT, interestingly enough right next to the letter of a friend who was also writing about rugby.

It’s detox week this week, no beer from Monday through till Friday after work; wish me luck.

Pigs and pig skins

I am still alive. Rob brought back the product of his pig killing adventures, mostly in sausage form. We were treated to photos of the event, from collecting the live pig to the dinner plate; we then sat down to eat. The sausages were quite tasty actually, and did not cause us food poisoning, despite what could be described as questionable hygiene standards in the Czech Republic. Needless to say they had not been declared to customs on the way into the country, but from live pig in Prague, to sausages in South London is a pretty quick turnaround.


This week there has obviously been plenty of reporting on the six nations tournament, and obviously with the Lions tour coming up in a few months attention is focussed on who should be selected. Many pundits have given their starting Lions XVs, obviously now with quite a few Welsh players in them. What I found utterly astounding is that so many rugby commentators can still claim that Jonny Wilkinson should be the starting fly half. The man has not played a game of international rugby since the world cup, and in that time he has only played a handful of club games. If he is fit for the Lions tour, it will be only just in time. No matter how good a player he used to be, such a long stint on the sidelines will, at least initially, prevent him from playing to the best of his abilities. Wilkinson will not have the match practice or fitness to competently fill the number 10 role. To overlook Stephen Jones for the starting position, for a player who will have not played a rugby international in more than 18 months, is sheer lunacy.I can only see a detriment to the team if Wilkinson is selected ahead of Stephen Jones, however knowing Clive Woodward, it will be of no surprise. If it is the case, the All Blacks will have him for dinner (breakfast UK time.)

Jaded

Yeah so I've got the Monday blues as usual, I didn't quite realise our Sunday lunch at the pub with the flatmates was going to turn into a marathon drinking session, but never mind.
I will have to brave the crowds at the gym tonight, Monday night is always really busy and you often have to wait for the equipment. I usually don't go on Mondays because of this reason but I have other commitments the rest of this week. After the gym though I'm off to Rob's place. He went to Prague on the weekend to visit a friend with whom he killed a pig (yes that was the intention of the trip) So tonight we will be feasting on the result of this slaughter.


I usually flick through the TNT on Monday's, it's not a bad read. Occasionally something bothers me enough to write in to letters about it. This week, in response to a sentence in an article about Andrew Johns, I sent in the following.

I find it very difficult to understand how Andrew Johns can be regarded as the best player in either rugby code (TNT 1125.) Andrew has never played Rugby Union before, people merely assume that as he is such a quality league player, he has what it takes to be the best in union. The ARU decided that he didn’t when they blocked the Waratahs’ attempts to sign him late last year. Whether he could play the game or not is irrelevant, Johns never has and never will have anything to do with Rugby Union so let’s have an end to these ridiculous claims.

I could rave on for longer about this matter, but I have to keep the letter brief and succinct so it will be printed. It really does piss me off when people say Johns is widely regarded as the best player in either code. I don't regard him as such and neither does anyone I know who supports Rugby Union. In fact I would go as far as to say it is insulting to suggest that a player, who has never had anything even remotely to do with Union in his lifetime, could be regarded as the best player in either League or Union. We don't want him to have anything to do with Union either. He might have the skills, but he doesn't have the passion and the instincts for the game, that course through the blood of all true Rugby people. Besides, I find it hard to believe anyone who spends all their time on the treatment table can be regarded as the best at anything... cough cough Jonny Wilkinson.
Oh and Willie Mason, you can piss off too.

So staying with Rugby; well done Tahs, good win, played as a team, probably should have picked up a bonus point but apart from that. Well done Wales, played some great rugby throughout the tournament and throroughly deserved their grand slam. And well done Don Cameron, kicking off Uni's Shute Shield with the first try of the season.

The ramblings of a tired man on a Friday afternoon

4pm. Officially an hour and a half until the working week is over. Unofficially more like an hour and a quarter. I’m having a strong coffee now to pick myself up, had a couple of pints at lunch and that always makes me feel sleepy in the afternoon. It’s actually pretty difficult to get back to work after that, you just hit the wall. I’m going to go to the gym straight after work though, I like going on Fridays because it’s quiet and you generally don’t have to wait to use the equipment. I’ve stared varying the exercises I do so it all doesn’t become monotonous. I’m also doing my dips unassisted now, which I think is pretty impressive. It’s quite funny that when I look at myself in the mirror, the satisfaction I get from seeing the results I get from the gym, is tinged somewhat by the fact that I am sickeningly pasty and white.


I am appalled but not in the slightest way surprised that the US are going to start drilling for oil in Alaska. They’ll get maybe a six-month supply of oil from the place and despite backer’s claims that modern drilling equipment is far more environmentally friendly, irreparable damage will be caused to the area. Of course we will not stop until we have sucked every last drop of oil from the earth, and the earth will run out of oil within my expected lifetime. At the moment there is little sign of a viable alternative to fossil fuels. Dubya has insisted that drilling there is in the interest of security. This is of course the standard excuse for everything nowadays. Now whenever you are asked to explain pretty much anything, the statement ‘It’s for security purposes,’ seems to be infallible.

All the world’s energy problems could be solved by perpetual motion, then we need not worry about drilling for more oil. To do this I think we need to apply a law previously discussed in this blog; Sod’s Law. For example, if you drop a piece of toast, sod’s law states that it will always land buttered side down. When a cat falls, its body is designed to twist so it will always land on its feet. Now if we can attach a piece of toast to a cat’s back, buttered side up, and drop the cat; the two aforementioned laws will cause the cat to spin endlessly. If we can somehow harness this perpetual motion, we will have little further need for fossil fuels.


The laws of physics do not allow for perpetual motion. However the problem is infinity. The impossibility of perpetual motion and the concept of infinity are mutually exclusive. We cannot create perpetual motion because of entropy, however the concept of entropy must preclude a finite universe. I wrote this second point down a while ago when it came to me, despite the absence of any scientific data, I think it is conceptually a valid idea.


Again we will not see Mat Rogers turning out for the Tahs tomorrow. Perhaps he is at the tattoo parlour getting drawn on again. I noticed in the last game he played, he was sporting a large tat in calligraphic writing along the inside of his right forearm. These are quite popular amongst footballers and other people with absolutely no taste or style. But what does it say? Well Mat has shown again that his sense of originality applies only to his skills with a football by permanently marking the phrase C’est la vie on his arm. I wonder what else he had on the short list before deciding to go with that one. More that likely this phrase means a lot to him, as it’s what he says to himself every time he gets injured. Well done Mat, you have shown us so far this year that you are a great footballer, but you are also a total dickhead. But hey, that’s life.

Right, I’m going home.

The Craic

Saint Patrick; Patron saint of plastic paddy pubs and large novelty Guinness hats. So yesterday was one of the world’s favourite national days St Patrick’s Day. Everyone likes St Patrick’s Day, because everyone likes the Irish, and everyone likes getting pissed. St Patrick’s Day gives everyone an excuse to get pissed, most people don’t need an excuse, but having one takes away the guilt.
In the end it wasn’t the most raucous evening, I teamed up with my Irish mate James and we started at London’s oldest Irish pub The Tipperary. The plan was to go from real to plastic paddy and make our way to an O’Neils or such via a few other places on the way. We did this, fuelled by some good old fashioned Irish stew and plenty of pints of the black stuff.
Armed with our novelty Guinness hats, we marched through the West End singing Ireland’s Call. As it turned out there was a huge cue to get into all of the plastic paddy pubs in the west end and buggered if we were going to wait. But there are plenty of pubs around, and plenty that sell Guinness, so all was not lost.
So cheers to the Irish, may only cowards go to battle wearing armour.

What made the evening possible was the weather. After those few weeks of chill, the weather has turned very pleasant indeed. Winter is over, the over coat will be packed away and with summer time starting in a week, bring on the summer!!!

Gosh darn those big macs are healthy

Last Tuesday in the US, McDonalds launched a massive advertising campaign urging Americans to fight obesity by eating healthily and exercising.

Ummmm, does anyone else see a problem with this picture?

Isn’t that like the porn industry sponsoring the silver ring thing?** Or a cigarette company encouraging people to get more fresh air?

Pretty soon McDonalds will be sponsoring Lent.

McDonalds also announced sponsorship contracts with Tennis’s Williams sisters. Now these two sold out long ago, but surely this one takes the cake, I mean, burger. Here’s a message to all those young aspiring athletes for whom Venus and Serena are role models: They didn’t become champions by eating big macs!

** The Silver Ring Thing is a ‘head in the sand’ initiative from America, (the world leaders in teenage pregnancy) to try and encourage young people not to have sex until they are married. Whether it is a good idea for these people to breed at all is another matter, for another day’s blog.

Just Call Me Del Boy

Ticket touting update:
I advertised my spare ashes tickets on thegumtree; to test the water I put them on at six times the face value wondering if there’d be any takers. The first response I got was an email from some twat asking whether I was having a laugh, and that anyone paying that much would be “stupid or a desperate aussie spending their hard earned barman wage.” I agreed with him saying you would have to be stupid, but there are plenty of stupid people out there and, if he looked on ebay, he would find plenty of people willing to pay that much.
I left it over the weekend and come Monday, had responses from 3 people all saying they would buy them. So applying what little I actually remember from my unfinished education in Economics, I let demand increase the price and reposted the ad.
Shortly I had another interested party. After a quick phone call and a bit of haggling, a deal was done. The buyer (English geezer as opposed to desperate Aussie barman) was willing to drive into town and meet me near my office, with cash, the next day.
And so the transaction was completed at lunch time today; a little bit dodgy making a cash transaction out in the street, but I felt like a regular Del Boy Trotter after that with a wad of bills held in a paper clip in my jacket pocket. Of course the next place I went was the bank to deposit the cash equivalent of 650% of the face value of two ashes tickets.
The story however does not end there. My friend, let’s for these purposes call him Rob; also was fortunate enough to have 2 tickets. He too is coming on the SA trip and will thus be selling his tickets. So after discussing my wheeling and dealing with him, I advertised his tickets on his behalf. Shortly after, he received a call from the same person who purchased mine, willing to buy his for the same price. The story I got was that he was going to treat his son, Rob’s story was the grandparents. In any case, we don’t care what he does with them, we’ve got our money and we both think it is a stupid amount of money to pay for tickets to the cricket. The black market price may go up as the test draws closer, but tickets are being sold by ticketing agencies now, for the same price we received for ours. So I’m happy, what it all really equates to for me is free flights to Johannesburg. Now that’s what I call budget travel.

It's just not cricket

It’s funny how some things seem to come at once. After having booked our flights to Yappieville on Wednesday, I returned home to find an unexpected letter waiting for me. (I get so little mail I usually know what it is before opening it.) So anyway, I waited a few minutes to increase the anticipation – such is the thrilling existence of my life.
The opening of the letter was met with a somewhat maniacal laughter from me (I should be a mad scientist) when I found what was inside: 2 tickets to day 3 of the first Ashes test at Lords!
Lords don’t do their ticketing on a first come first served basis, they operate a ballot system just like in the Olympics or World Cups. I had entered the ballot back in November, but they only let you apply for a maximum of 2 tickets per person. Typical bloody Lords, how is one supposed to attend a cricket game accompanied by only one other person? It’s just not cricket! Spectating at a cricket game requires at least half a dozen boozed up blokes and no shirts. What are we supposed to do with just one mate along, watch the game?

Now as it turns out, when we were planning the trip to South Africa, we realised that it clashed with the first test. We hadn’t had our tickets allocated yet and it didn’t really require much thought to decide the trip was worth missing out on the cricket. I’ve been to an Ashes test at Lords in 2001, and the fifth test is on at The Oval so there’ll be plenty of chances to see the cricket.

It’s funny that these tickets should turn up on the same day we confirmed we wouldn’t be able to go. So I guess I’m stuck with two tickets to the first Saturday of the Ashes series, does anyone want them?
Well of course someone does. This year England have probably they best chance of beating the Aussies than they have had in the past 15 years. Although I probably have a better chance of dating Claudia Schiffer this year than I have had in the past 15, but that doesn’t mean it will actually happen. But blind faith pushes up ticket prices.
I think it is highly likely I will be able to sell the tickets for at least a 500% mark-up. That should almost cover the cost of my flights! I'd better work on my cockney accent first; 'anyone need ticke's? buy or sell ticke's, anyone need ticke's?'

Oh did I say sell the tickets? I meant I would give them to someone and then charge a few quid transportation costs!

That creative streak

Catching the tube home late in the evening is always amusing. Invariably many people are on there way home from an evening that has involved alcohol. So most carriages have some kind of dirty old man / sad pathetic loser, trying to chat up the nearest female. Most of the time the ladies are good natured about it and are pleasant in return. It is amusing though to observe the inebriated man oblivious to the woman squirming in excruciating awkwardness.

Last night I boarded the train and found myself overhearing such an exchange. There were two ladies in question and they appeared to be involved in the fashion industry in some way (although definitely not as models.) So these two ladies were suffering some Billy Mitchell look-alike and appeared to be talking about the creative side of the industry. This guy says: “I’d like to be creative, but I don’t have a creative streak in me.” Nice one dude!
So it got me thinking, I’d like to be a movie star; but I can’t act.
Or maybe a rock star; but I can't sing.
Or even design an inter-galactic spacecraft; but I don’t have a creative streak in me.


Moving on..........

The man in football with the best name: Bayern Munich player Sebastian Schweinsteiger. In German it means Pig Climber, must have been hell in the school yard.
Second Prize goes to PSV's Jan Vennegor of Hesselink. Damn that's a cool name